Why I Hate Fortnite…

If you are a parent of a child that plays video games, you have probably become familiar with Fortnite. Heck, if you as a parent play video games you might also be playing Fortnite. I wouldn’t be surprised if my freaking dog snuck down to the video game console at night to play fortnite. In fact, I am sure everyone plays Fortnite and I may just be the only one that doesn’t.

The truth is though, I have come to HATE Fornite and not just hate in a way that makes me go: “Oh darn tootin’ I dislike this video game.” No no. More in a if I could ever get the game alone in a dark basement while I was wielding an axe, it should fear for its life.

“But WHY? Why do you hate Fortnite so strongly?” you may be wondering. I am about to tell you.

The STUPID Dances

While some of them aren’t that bad, there are others that drive me fucking nuts. My son literally never stops doing them. NEVER. Orange Justice is probably the one that makes me the most insane. It’s like whole body tremors and it’s dangerous to be near my son while he attempts this. (I also hate the fact that I know the dance names but what can I fucking say?) My son does these dances in the grocery store, in the parking lot, in the bedroom, while he’s walking down the stairs… I wouldn’t be surprised if he did them in his sleep. Every freaking time I turn around he’s doing the floss or hype or some other form of Fortnite dance. I have to nag this kid to floss his teeth, but he will floss all over the house because Fortnite told him to.

V Bucks

This ridiculous in game currency is used for purchasing items from the in-game store, cosmetic items from the shop or a battle pass. From what I understand you use V bucks to buy “skins”. These skins are made up of a variety of different things… oh fuck it. Honestly, I have no clue what the hell they are and I don’t care. I am just sick of my son thinking he needs the latest skin because his little friend Billy down the road has it. I am so tired of hearing words I don’t know, being pleaded with for crap he doesn’t need and listening to the constant banter about what skin is the best. It is insane.

I SUCK at it

OK, so maybe the real reason I fucking hate Fortnite is that I can’t play it. I have tried several times. I just can’t do it. I pick the wrong buttons every time and I end up standing in the middle of a field with no idea what to do. The kids laugh at me, my husband laughs at me, and as someone who normally loves a good video game…. I laugh at me. So, I gave up. Maybe I hate Fortnite because I am jealous.

All in all, I hate Fornite. I hate. So, the day this craze calms down will be the day that I rejoice and celebrate. Until then, none of the video game consoles in our house work anymore. It’s mysterious really, how that happened. It may have involved a hammer; some interesting dance moves I made up and my very own skin.

 

Jen is a 32 year old work at home mother of two wonderful little cherubs age 7 and 10. She writes for ninjamommers.com with a 7 year old on her head, a dog barking at nothing and a 10 year old making weird noises in her ear. Send Wine.

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