Guest Post: Sandra’s Awkward Parent….

Hey there, I’d like you to meet Sandra. She is a Manitoba gal, so I absolutely adore her by default.  She makes me laugh, she is kind and incredibly smart.  This is a woman -who after kids went back to school and is kicking ass along the way.  She is an amazing writer, who is making some changes in her life, but I am glad I can still find her at The Huffington Post. 

Hi! My name is Sandra, I am the mother of four, wife to a wise-cracking husband, registered nurse, and former fitness enthusiast. I used to be the author of a blog called Absolutely Narcissism, where I spent a lot, and by a lot I mean A LOT, of time writing about how wonderful I am. And then one morning, I woke up, and as my world was crashing down around me, I shut down the space where my glorious, selfish, self had abounded, and reprioritized my life. Fast forward a few months, during which time I missed my blogging relationships and the community that had supported me through so many trials and tribulations.

 

I restarted a new blog titled “Don’t Tell my Kids I Blog,” which had as its original purpose to entertain the masses with my witty anecdotes about motherhood, but has instead morphed into an area where I am coming to terms with issues my psyche has spent decades trying to contain; issues best saved for those who aren’t faint of heart.

 

I was very honoured when Kyla asked me to guest blog. I promise there will be nothing but merriment and hilarity (at least I hope you’ll find it hilarious, otherwise I’ll need even more therapy), as I describe in great detail why my children refer to me as an “Awkward Parent.”

 

The Awkward Parent

 

From the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was determined to be a cool parent. I would not be that parent who threw a book at my child which expounded upon the birds and the bees. I would be that parent who described in excruciating detail how the penis and the vagina… Well, you get it.

 

I would have a relationship with my children whereby I would be a friend, and they could come to me with any question; giggle about the boy/girl he/she had a crush on; lament to me about the horrible breakup; and use my wealth of knowledge and invaluable expertise in developing a strategy in order to exact revenge upon the fool who had dumped him/her.

 

I had a lot of things all planned out until that fateful night when I realized my plan was awash in a sea of doodoo.

 

Last year as I was driving my 16 year old son and his friend home from the movies, I could hear them joking around about their two other friends who were on a “date” with the one kid’s mother. So of course I hear this, and I ask them to elaborate.

 

“Well Dan, Sheldon, and Sheldon’s mom went out for dinner together. I think that’s so cool,” my son said.

 

“I’d go out for dinner with you guys,” I volunteered.

 

From the backseat, I could hear my son and his friend laughing. “What?” I asked. “What’s so funny?”

 

“Mom, I’d never take you out with me and my friends.”

In a manner most unsafe for my passengers, myself, and the other drivers on the road, I turned around to face the backseat. “Why?”

 

“Because you’re awkward,” my son said.

 

“Awkward? I’m not awkward! I’m cool!”

 

“See…saying your cool actually makes you awkward.”

 

Well…

 

I drove quietly the rest of the way home thinking my silence would make me cooler, which I pointed out to them, and which they in turn pointed out that, in fact, it did not.

 

I never understood this though. How was I not cool? I’ve always had an open-door policy with their friends. I supply awesome junk food when they’re over. I make my presence known when the kids are hanging out, but not too obvious so that I’m not all creepy and stalker-ish…How was I not cooler than the mom who got invited out for supper with two teenage boys?

 

Then the other night, when my son’s girlfriend was over for supper, I pointed out how lovely the weather was, and that they should go for a walk to the duck pond.

 

“Yeah, we were thinking of doing that,” my son replied.

 

Picking the jalapenos off of my nachos, I casually offered, “I can come with you guys. It’ll be fun!”

 

In that moment, I lifted my eyes to meet my son’s, and said, “And that’s what you mean by awkward, right?”

 

“You got it.”

 

FYI: Not only did I not get invited to the duck pond with them, the jury is still out as to whether or not I’ll be allowed to attend his grad next year.

12 thoughts on “Guest Post: Sandra’s Awkward Parent….

  1. I feel you, mama. I ride the cool/awkward fence daily and my kids are under 6. I plan on brainwashing them as teenagers. They’ll figure it out (until the day they find my blog)

  2. I am totally cool. Right now my kids don’t know it (they’re three) but if they don’t get it when they’re young, I’ll just wait until they’re older and then they’ll get it. Right around the time that their kids are telling them how awkward they are. Looking forward to seeing what else you have in store for us.

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo

  3. Oh Sandra, you have just completely rained on my parade. I too am convinced that I am (and will be) a cool mom, but after reading your post, I am starting to suspect I might fall more into the awkward category. How is a parent to avoid this dreaded no man’s land? I’m heading over to your blog now to see if you might have some advice.

  4. My daughter is 11 in a few weeks. My window of cool is closing before my eyes. I’m shoving my head through yelling the dorkiest things I can imagine.

  5. Pingback: The Awkward Parent
  6. I’m not sure if I am cool parent, or if my kids think I am cool parent.
    I guess, in following the logic of this post, that means: I’m cool!!! Yay me.
    But of course, since I do know who all the Xmen and Marvel heroes are, I guess it was a sure thing.
    Just sayin all.

  7. HAaahAaaaa.
    Don’t feel bad, Sandra, my boys are continually giggling and rolling their eyes at my expense. For example, because I can’t work the video or load my photos on facebook or register for that new picture-gram thingy. They’re like “MOooooM, how the heck did you get a college degree?” DAMN them!
    Anyhow, in my book, you are totally and utterly “COOL.” xxxx

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