My Family Has Changed…

I have always had a difficult time watching my family change.

Basically, what that means is that I miss the days, the Christmas’s, the summer holidays when it was just my Mom and Dad, my brothers, my sister and me.

I have such a nostalgia for those moments.

A few years ago, I worked really hard at planning a weekend at a cabin with just the 6 of us. No husband, no kids, no sister in laws or my lovely niece and nephews.

Just us.

The original 6.

It was hard to coordinate.

It was hard to get everyone on board.

It didn’t happen.

I was upset. I talked to my brother Todd about it on the phone and we got submerged about why this was so important to me.

And it comes down to this, for me, those were the greatest times. When it was just the 6 of us.

When I was 14 or so. Curt was 21. Todd was 24. Ker was 26.

Yes, I didn’t live with my siblings for very long. Todd and Ker left home when I was 5 and Curt when I was 10.

But, I adored those 3 people.

I idolized them.

I hated them too because they always tried to parent me.

But, there was nothing more I wanted than their approval. To laugh at my jokes, to like my new swatch, to be impressed with my public speaking awards or badminton wins. I couldn’t wait for them to come home and visit. I vibrated for it. I would force them to go to the Hotel with me to rent a movie. I was giddy if they came to the rink. I wanted to show them off. They were an extension of me. I was proud to be seen with them. Their coolness somehow rubbed off on to me. I was invincible in their presence.

When planning our weekend together, I never for once took into consideration that they never felt the same way as me. That their memories weren’t the same as mine.

I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t a priority for the rest of my siblings to drop everything, including their families and use their own precious holiday time to spend time with me.

Don’t get me wrong, nobody was mean about it, and we did try to make it work, it just didn’t happen.

I am going to fast forward a tad…

On Sunday Night, the night before she went into the hospital for surgery, my Mom made all of her children our favourite supper, sweet and sour spareribs. We sat around for hours. We laughed for hours. We teased for hours. We talked about our childhood. We talked about our own kids. We just were. And we did it again the next day. And the day after.

Everyone is happy.

Everyone is so happy in their lives with their families and friends.

We have all created in our lives what I desperately wanted to create for them in that weekend away.

Maybe we didn’t need it.

But, it still would have been awesome.

I can’t wait for all of us to get together again this summer with our families.