I work from home.
I don’t even think I can explain to you what that even looks like.
Though, I can tell you how it feels.
It feels like everything is being held together by extra hold hairspray. Because if it was light or flexible hold hairspray, everything would just fall. It would droop and it would have no bounce or lasting hold.
Essentially it would melt.
I’ve been doing some thinking and I think that the only way to explain myself is to compare myself to extra hold hairspray.
Realistically, I should be the dry shampoo, because I haven’t washed my hair in 6 days, but for the sake of this argument, I am the extra hold hair spray that is keeping all this together.
And so far it is just sort of working.
Let me explain….
You know how you drive to work to go to your job? I don’t do that because I work from home.
But, you know how you see me pick up my kids from school every day? I do that because I work from home.
Oh, just wait.
You know how you work in a workplace? Well I have one too, but it is in my house and it smells like rotten chicken and wet glue.
Are you getting this now? Let me try again.
So you know when you need a break at work, and you head over to a co-workers desk to chat about that funny video on Facebook of the polar bear mascot falling on the ice over and over and over again?
Well, when I take my break from work, it’s to do a load of laundry or empty the dishwasher.
Are you sensing some angst?
I am glad you caught onto that.
Hold onto your panties, I got more for you.
Because I “work from home,” I volunteered to be the secretary for the school PAC. Which I royally suck at. Did you know that for 4 months I was formatting the minutes wrong and no one could open the documents? Also, no one told me. For 4 months! Mostly, because I think they are scared of me but that is a different story for a different day.
PAC has their meetings during the day. So that means, I have to work at night to make up for the time that I missed to attend the meeting.
Ladies, start your extra firm hairspray….
So, who volunteered to be school PAC secretary when she knew that majority of meetings were during the day?
But, you knew that already.
I am trying to live the life of a Stay At Home Mom, while I already have a job.
And like I said before, it’s sort of just working.
It’s working because I am trying to hold it all together like a fucking can of hair spray.
I mean, do you know what it is like to have client meetings in your own home?
I have to clean up glitter glue from my daughter’s pre-breakfast craft that she left all over the dining room table. I also have to clean my entire kitchen in case of the off chance that my client may want a coffee. Do you have any idea what my kitchen looks like? It makes a Gremlin exploding in the microwave look tidy.
And what if my client has to use the washroom?
There are so many pee pee drops on our toilet seat that it doesn’t even look white anymore. It looks beige. Which in retrospect is what I should have bought the last time our daughter broke ours using it as a stage for a Taylor Swift concert for her stuffies.
Next, I have to vacuum, sort the shoes, hang coats and spray air freshener in the entryway.
I spray air freshener to trick them into thinking I have it all together.
I haven’t decided yet.
My male cousin stopped in the other day and we joked about how my home should be neater, because I was home doing nothing all day.
My kids asked if Daddy could stay home all day and Mommy could go to work at a real job.
My Mom often wonders, out loud, if I will go back to work.
I’m about to spray them all in the face with some extra hold hair spray.
I am the one holding all this shit together. Not the fucking extra hold hairspray.
In all my glory.
And I’m killing it.
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Please Note: I am honoured to be included in the CBC Workin’ Moms Influencer Program. I was compensated for sharing this preview with you. As always all opinions are my own and no one else is responsible for them.