The Girls Club…

When my seven year old came home from school and told me that she was in a Club, I was less then enthused.

I remembered girls clubs from when I was a kid.

It was a stressful experience.

What if my friends were asked to be in the Club and I had no one to play with at recess?

What if everyone was in the Club but me?

What if this was happening to my little girl?

I started to ask a few questions, but knew it was also important to not become involved.

Slowly she started telling me details.

She was in the New Club.  The New Club was created because my daughter and her friends, the New Club members,  were not invited to be part of the First Club.

This caused me to beam.

But, just on the inside.

I never wanted to be one of those mothers that asked too many questions that my daughter could smell my stealth “Mother Pry” moves a mile away.

Honestly, I was stoked.

I absolutely loved that my daughter and her group of friends had the balls to recognize that they were never going to be part of the First Club and therefore thought screw you, and started their own club.

I was proud.

I was excited to be raising a daughter that was nothing like me.  She wasn’t stressed out at recess. She didn’t care if she was included or not. She was going to take control of her own life. She was going to rule the world.

Yet something was bothering me.

The next day I picked her up from school and we did our usual after school chat.

Did anything happen today to make you feel mad? No.

Did anything happen today to make you feel glad? Not really.

Did anything happen today to make you feel sad? Yes.

She started to cry and shared with me that she really wanted to be part of the First Club, that the New Club had kind of fallen apart because some of the members had jumped ship to the First Club and some of the members of the New Club, didn’t really want to be in a Club at all.

I wasn’t sure how to navigate this.

I wanted to tell her to find new members for the  New Club. That the First Club sucked.  That the girls that excluded you are not the kind of girls you want to play with anyways.  That real friends don’t treat each other that way. That maybe I could make matching shirts for the New Club.

Okay. I am kidding about making shirts.

Sort of.

Instead I knew that I just had to acknowledge her feelings.

“Oh honey,  you feel sad because your Club isn’t really working and you want to be part of the other Club?”


“I would feel sad too.”

“I just don’t understand why they won’t let me be part of the club?”

“I don’t understand either, honey.”

“It’s not fair.”

“You’re right. It’s not fair.”

“I’m going to ask then again tomorrow if I can be part of their club.”

“Okay, honey.”

Ideally, that’s not what I wanted to hear.  I wanted her not to care.  I wanted her to do her own thing.

But, she’s not that kind of girl.

She’s my girl.

The kind of girl that will tattle if you are not following the rules.  The kind of girl that will hit her brother if he’s not playing the way she wants.  The kind of girl who finished Kindergarten with a Grade 6 reading level.  The kind of girl who won’t notice that she is the only girl on her soccer team.  The kind of girl that will enter the school talent show on her own.  The kind of girl who will laugh so hard she will fall over.  The kind of girl that will get so mad she will slam her door.  The kind of girl that will beg to wear lipstick. The kind of girl that wears a hockey helmet to ride her bike. The kind of girl that pees on trees. The kind of girl who tells me she loves me for no reason.  The kind of girl that wants to be part of a Club.



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81 thoughts on “The Girls Club…

  1. I desperately wanted to be popular, be part of the ,in, crowd when I was a kid/teenager. Top scholar, top athlete, the only kid in the entire high school with braces on her teeth– I just didn’t,t fit in. I turned out fine IMHO, and glad to be slightly non-conformist. It takes time to find (or create) your own niche. props to Whirlwind for trying to make her own club. I say run with that!
    You don’t always get what you (think you) want, but that,s Ok.


  2. my girl is amazing! she is a friendly, caring girl who loves to be a friend to all and help so proud of her

  3. I raised 4 girls and each of them very different, but all stubborn like their mom. I now have a 2 week old granddaughter who has a great set of lungs and is the cutest wee thing! I can’t wait to see her grow up!

  4. I don`t have a girl,only a teenager boy! But I do have 2 sweet girl nieces,who I loves very much! They are sweet and kind!

  5. Aren’t your kids hurts way more painful than your own? Don’t ya just want yo go punch those snotty little girls right in the throat? Or better yet give their mothers a piece of your mind for not raising more compassionate children? Here’s the thing. It’s all a matter of perspective. NO ONE fits in at school. I remember feeling excluded and geeky. Kinda like I never fit in. A few years ago I met up with a girl from school who said she always felt jealous of me because I fit in and had so many friends. I nearly fell off my chair. I was a cool kid and didn’t even know it. NO ONE fits in at school. I think God does it to us on purpose to make us stronger or some stupid thing. BTW I still want to punch my daughters friends in the throat when they hurt her and she is 34. Some things never change.

  6. For a moment there, I thought I was reading my own post!
    My 6 yo daughter went through a similar “club” situation at school and your daughter reminds me so much of
    my strong and sweet Ava. We want to protect them from the world yet build their wings. And oh what wings they have. These kids impress us each day with how amazing and smart they are at dealing with their own situations and it is honestly the best way for them to learn. Our daughters need to start a club together! 🙂

  7. My daughter is the most amazing, loving, caring, funny beautiful and compassionate girl in the world. I tell her all the time she is the best part of me, Love my girl 🙂

  8. My little girl came home talking about a “club” too in Kindergarten. She was excluded and it was a pretty awful experience 🙁 She’s way too nice!

  9. My daughter is smart and funny, she was our first so I had to learn about my little pony, Barrie’s and other girly things I wasn’t familiar with. Now I’m an expert on that stuff lol

  10. I raised my daughter to accept people for who they are & you have to take the good with the bad. We all have faults but if you look very closely at someone you can always find a positive person in there!

  11. First of all, she’s intelligent, caring, bubbly, full of love for our four-legged friends, and a great need to help others! She is independent, but is still in need…and has too much pride to ask for help! Lastly…..she is me! 🙂

  12. Yay, smart & funny. . Wow, prize $50 gc is fab. & splendid. 2 fingers snap. It is tight, fly & off the chain. Thank you for the awesomeness, the contest, and generosity. 🙂 Pick me, pick me! Dear Santa: I’ve been nice. My X-Mas wish this year is to win this contest. Starving artist here desperately needs the gc to shop and eat. A life changing exp.

  13. No girls. I have 5 sons, and 3 nephews so I don’t really know how to answer this. I was very shy and insecure when I was growing up but something happened in high school where I just stopped caring what people think of me, and that is where I’ve been in my life for the past 25 years. I am who I am, and if someone doesn’t like that, I don’t care. I don’t need that negativity in my life 🙂 I must be doing something right, I’ve had the same friends for almost 30 years 🙂

  14. My girl is smart and fearless, a little bit of crazy. She wants to grow up to be a good cook, and she loves her family very much.

  15. I don’t have any girls, but I hope my boys grow up to handle situations with their own personal sense of grace and style. Know what you want and go for it I say!

  16. i have two daughters, both so different. One who is tough and stubborn, who acts like she couldn’t care less what anyone thinks, but feels things really deeply. The other one actively wants to be part of everything and assumes that everyone’s her friend – her feelings are as delicate as an overripe peach, and she is incapable of hiding her feelings. They’re both getting to the age where clubs and exclusions start forming and it sucks, man. I don’t want them to be excluded, or those girls who do the excluding. I want to protect them from everything, but I know they need to figure out how to get through this stuff on their own. This parenting stuff is hard, yo!

  17. Aww, my girls rock, and they’re weird too! My youngest, turns 11 tomorrow, and she has orange hair and loves to DEVOURS books. She’s in the gifted program but is weirdly ‘normal’! lol. If you know what i mean! My teen, who will be 15 next month, is awesome too! She lives life to her own beat, She’s kinda emo, loves watching and drawing anime, and wants to be in forensics when she gets older! Cool eh?! 🙂

  18. I have two girls that are two years apart in age. They are best friends and love spending time playing games or reading to each other. I hope they stay this close always 🙂

  19. My daughter is a rule follower, is compassionate (if you cry, she’ll cry) and doesn’t take crap from anyone. She sticks up for her brother like she does herself and at only 5 years old is a kind old soul.

    Sorry to hear that your daughter is sad. I remember growing up like it was only yesterday and some of the lessons were hard to learn.

    Besos Sarah.

  20. My girl has sprung her wings, she’s graduated university and got a good job at one of the top accounting firms in the country. Very proud of her but miss her terribly.

  21. I have a ten year old daughter. She’s very mature for her age and self confident. She is not a bit shy. She likes horses, drawing and music.

  22. My girl is empathetic to others; especially to her brother who has special needs, she is a teacher & role model for him. I am proud of my girl every day!

  23. She is very good at doing her own thing and is not interested in cliques, but has lots of friends. I find other girls naturally come her way, just because there is no drama.

  24. Oh…. I remember all too well the clubs and the spats and the full on grade 5 class divided wars because someone felt left out. I don’t miss that. I can’t believe I didn’t realize until right now that I’d have to watch my baby girl go through that! {ok, ok, she’s 3 years old, not a ‘baby’….}

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