My biggest concern for my friends is that they have someone to talk to. At the time, I may not be the person they choose to talk to confide in. But, I really like to know that they have someone they are talking to. It is so good to know that your friends are loved and cared for.
Before Whirlwind was born 7 years ago, I had a group of amazing fun new friends. We went camping together, had bbq’s, nights out for wings and too much booze. It was pretty fun. I felt like I had a great community. Then one of the couples just sort of disappeared from the group. Sure, I was sad to see them move on. I was never really worried that it was personal or that I had done something wrong. My biggest concern was that if they were no longer hanging out with us, then I wanted to make sure they were hanging out with someone else or another new group of friends. Another group of friends that was just as awesome.
My friend was leaving her husband. She just sort of sprung it on me. I was shocked. I had really no clue that things were bad. I was so worried that she was carrying all this and going through, at the time, the biggest challenge of her life. Sure, I was pregnant and totally into myself, but if she wasn’t talking to me- who the hell was she talking to? Did she have good friends to carry her through this time? Please let someone near her be taking her out for wine.
I really lucked out in the friend department. I have some gooders. Especially when I go back home. Sure, I don’t talk to my Manitoba friends weekly or monthly, but I know if I needed them I could call and those ladies would have my back. I have missed a lot. I get filled in whenever I am home. Honestly, I feel pretty shitty when I am sitting there and I hear about another miscarriage, cancer, a troubled teenager or marital strife. Often I feel like an outsider listening in while they show all their cards. I am also honoured that I am still a “safe place” for them to share. I take comfort in the fact that I know they have got some “girls”. It also comforts me to know that they live close enough to each other to show up with a mushroom soup casserole.
Recently my friend was diagnosed with cancer and I couldn’t be there for everything that I wanted to be there for. I couldn’t drive her to appointments. I couldn’t sit in the waiting room. I couldn’t pick up her kids. I couldn’t really do anything. But, she had friends who did. Friends that I will probably never ever meet. Friends who will never know how eternally grateful I am that they took care of my friend and took care of all of her needs.
I give you these examples because I think jealousy is a terrible thing. I am not hurt that my friends turned to other people. I am happy that my friends turned to someone. I am happy that they are not holding it all in.
Don’t be jealous of your friends “other” friends, be thankful for them.
Looking back at Cases 1 to 4, I may not have been the first phone call for my friends…this time.
But, I used to be their very first call.
Friendships ebb and flow.
Thanks for including me on the ride, ladies.