Meet Marianne, we met while competing to be the funniest Mom’s in 2012. I would like to add that we rocked that mofo list last year and then this year we both failed to make the Top 25. So, as an FYI: Those lists are a crock of poop. Marianne has been a constant supporter of Mommy’s Weird and I am always excited to read her comments, because they are damn hilarious and usually better than the post itself. And she has recently written a book and you can get more details about it here. Yes, she is one of those people that SAY she is going to write a book and then does it. WOWZA.
A First Wife’s Perspective
In one of those rare moments of marital serenity when the children were asleep, the laundry was folded, and the garbage had been taken out, I looked lovingly into my husband’s eyes and asked the question many wives have asked their husbands throughout the ages:
“Would you ever remarry should something happen to me?”
I smiled at him expectantly, waiting for him to go on about my endless patience, virtue, and great beauty (all lies, I know, but I like to hear it anyway). Instead, he simply said, “No.”
Confidently, I prodded. But why? Because nobody could compare? Who else can heat up a frozen pizza like me? What other woman would suffer through your rants during Bears games? Tell me. Why would you never seek love like ours again?
Joe responded thoughtfully:
“Because being married is like having a boss.”
To quote the Brits, I was gobsmacked. My response to that statement could be heard across Western Avenue. But we need not go there today. Instead, let me recount another tale that occurred while I was pregnant with our third son and we had to determine who was going to get “fixed” due to some pregnancy issues. I had suggested he handle the deed. Snip snip done. Joe’s response?
“What if, God forbid, something happens to you and my next wife wants kids?”
I had a host of angry words for his “next wife.”
“Hold on there,” he interrupted. “That’s no way to talk about my next wife. She hasn’t even been born yet.”
 No, it is not.
Marianne Walsh is a columnist, wife, and mother from Chicago, Illinois. She spent ten years in the insurance industry where she learned all about the intrinsic value of the three-martini lunch. Her writing has appeared in the magazine Chicago Parent, in her signature blog We Band of Mothers, and in hundreds of insurance-related materials that could put the most ardent insomniac to sleep. Marianne has also been featured in The Wall Street Journal, The Beverly Review, WGN-720 Radio, and on BlogHer. She was voted one of the Top 25 Funny Mom Blogs for 2012. She holds a BA and an MA in English, and spends most of her free time wiping pee off toilet seats.