Something Something Fat Chick…..

I’d like to introduce you to Gilly.  She is one of the funniest people I have ever met in my life. Well, actually we have never met in real life.  But still.  She is going to write here every once and awhile, because she gets, “Mommy’s Weird.”  We share about a dozen similarities.  Except she likes dead people. Me, not so much.

Hi there! My name is Gilly, and I’m a close personal friend of Kyla…in that I’ve never actually met her in person, but have bonded with her online for nearly a decade (!!!), across the miles through our valiant struggle to become skinny bitches (am I allowed to swear in your blog? Hope so, because it’s what I do).

I’m a totally weird mommy too. I have 2 young zombie-worshipping lads aged 11 and 5 (let’s call them Shaun and Ed) of whom I am often so proud I actually admit to ownership of them…in public! I’m also a funeral director. I mention that because people sometimes think it makes me interesting. I hope you do too!

My life, recently, has been consumed with raising my 2 little freakshows whilst I figure out how to make our life work with a senior-citizen cat who pretty much poops wherever he wants, and a new puppy, all while I’ve gone back to work full time.

You see…I was lucky enough to be able to spend the past 6 years at home, doing the full-time-mommy gig. I loved every second of it. But…it was enough already.

Now that 
I’m back in the workforce again, I get to work with 4 gorgeous, young, skinny, smart, supermodel-looking girls…none of whom are married or have kids. It’s…how you say…not so great for my (ample) ego.

As I do this work-then-take-my-kids-to-their-soccer-hockey-swimming-piano-guitar-dance (yep…the 5 year old dances…and that kid is 100% JAZZ HANDS!)-while-they-complain-constantly-and-I-keep-drilling-it-into-them-that-I-am-not-torturing-them-but-trying-to-give-them-the-gifts-of-being-well-rounded-individuals, I wonder to myself: how do all the other moms DO this without killing everybody around them within a 5 mile radius??

Never mind making time to work out!!

I mean obviously…there’s wine. But until public intoxication is given the fair shake it deserves, I gotta figure out some way not to just smack the people who so richly deserve it by getting in the 8 items or less line-up with 9 items or more. You know?

How do you other 
moms DO it? AND make time to work out!!!

Until I get the answer, I’m going to keep doing what 
I’m doing: NOT working out nearly as much as I should, agonizing over food choices for my family and feeling guilty about every bite of overly processed food we put into our mouths, hosing my kids down with anti-bacterial everything, internally freaking out and judging every time I see people eating or drinking out of anything plastic or microwaved, and trying to look like a normal person to the average Joe. Oh…and wine.

Sound like a plan?

If you’d like to read more about Gilly and her journey, did I just say “journey”. Sorry, Gilly. You can check out her blog, Something Something Fat Chick.

Now that I said the word “journey” twice, I’m craving me some Journey.