I love taking my kids to the park. It’s our thing.
But, I have learned a few tricks along the way from my Mommy Friends.
Mommy #4 has taught me that sometimes The Park is closed.
For example: Last fall, Baby Bot was not sleeping well. I was exhausted and thankful that Whirlwind had Pre School that morning. It was a big day, not only did I fold laundry, I also brushed my teeth.
After picking Whirlwind up from Pre School, Baby Bot fell asleep in his car seat, and we had to drive pass The Park.
Whirlwind: “Mommy, Mommy, can we play at The Park?”
Me: “Sorry honey, The Park is closed.”
Whirlwind: “Oh, okay. Can we go when its open?”
Me: “You bet.”
The power of opening and closing The Park whenever you want is very exhilarating. I get high as hell pulling a fast one on my kids.
There is also Mommy #3 who just hates The Park in general. Which, I always find a bit shocking. What does she do with her kids if she isn’t at The Park drinking a latte?
Now, as I sit here, I am starting to stew a little bit. I thought I loved taking the kids to The Park. But, I don’t. I really don’t. Mommy #3 is really onto something.
Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate The Park
1. I hate continually taking pebbles out of Baby Bots mouth.
2. I hate that the bathrooms don’t have mirrors. Um, just because I have kids doesn’t mean, I don’t want to know how my hair looks.
3. I hate other kids having their Birthday’s there while my obviously uninvited kids stare at their balloons, cake, presents etc.
4. I hate when the spray park comes on when it is clearly not supposed to. It’s plus 15. Do my kids really need to be soaking wet?
5. I hate having to follow Baby Bot on the play structure. My ass is clearly much too fat to be sliding down this bloody slide.
6. I hate strange children eating my kids snacks. Listen, I spent the entire morning in my kitchen putting these pre made, pre wrapped, purchased at Wal Mart, rice krispie squares in my purse.
7. I hate Hot Mom’s.
8. I hate the cigarette butts. When Whirlwind was two, she actually ate a cigarette butt at The Park. I spent the entire afternoon on the phone with poison control only to find out that they were more worried she would have Hepatitis than a nicotine addiction.
9. I hate that people bring their dogs. I am tired of pulling my kids away from trying to pet, ride or suck face with strange dogs.
10. I hate pushing the kids on the swings and making small talk. Its the equivalent of being drunk and making a best friend in the bathroom. We all know this relationship isn’t going to last. So, let’s not start. I don’t really care how old your kid is, and I am not sure why I am asking.
So there you have it.
I hate The Damn Park.