" Um.. your armpits look like……."

I am beautiful.

I just am. I was born that way. Ask Lady Gaga.

But, I haven’t “gotten” beautiful in a long time. Zed and I went to a formal’ish affair a few weeks ago and I was a bit nervous. Spanx, pantyhouse, wedding ring. And I even took my hair out of a pony tail.

Also eyeliner. On the INSIDES of my eyes.

Yes. It was a big night for me. I even borrowed a dress. Possibly the best dress on the planet. It flatters me perfectly.  I should only wear this dress. Everyday. All day. To preschool, to the grocery store, on the teetor totter and in the sandbox.

There was only one problem. My arm pits looked like Vaginas.

I have Vagina Pits.

So, if I am out in public and you are not looking at my perfect hair, my beautiful face or my large breasts… I know what you are doing.

You are staring at my Vagina Pits.

Or my back fat.

Ugh. That is a whole new post.