I almost swallowed my tongue

I’m lucky to have a lot of good friends. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I did right.  I still have childhood, teen, 20’s, college, work and now Mommy friends. I have totally lucked out in life.

It’s most apparent in my life when I go home.  I have to go for 3 weeks just to see everyone and that is hardly enough time to see all the people that are important to me. Let alone my family.

Of course, when I was at home this summer I was doing my usual sex talk with each of my friends just hoping to find someone else that was too tired, smelly and cranky to have sex with their husbands.

It’s like a search of epic proportions. I’m just begging for one of them to please tell me that they are not having sex 3-5x a week. Anybody…. anybody?

Here’s what happened…

After a six hour dinner while sitting visiting in my friends car. I sneakily started asking about their  sex lives, and without getting their answers (Big Mistake), I then confided in my lack of desire for sex.

Friend #1 was shocked. But what she was about to say double shocked me.

Firstly, she said, “I would’ve thought that you guys had a really good sex life.”

What the FUCK is that supposed to mean? I was totally offended. Do I look like a horny slut?  I always imagined that someone who had a good sex life wore the “Together” style clothes in the Sears Catalogue. I don’t wear things that flowy.

Secondly, she said, “Oh I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’ve had sex 3x today.”

This is where I almost swallowed my tongue. We picked her up at 5 p.m. It was now 11 p.m.

“When! When? WHEN!!” I choked. ” Like you…..you….. you know, like three times in one session?”

“No.  Three different times today.” she answered.

What is wrong with everyone? There is seriously no need for that. I’d be scared to bend over and grab a can of green beans with a husband like that.

Again, a giant fail. My quest to find someone like me is NOT going well. I’m starting to embarrass myself, aren’t I?

Are we the only people not having sex 3-4 x a week?  At first I thought that people were just lying to me and making up the amount of sex they were having. But, they aren’t. They can’t be. These are my friends.  They wouldn’t lie to me. Especially when I open up first at how pathetic ours has become since having the kids.

Poor Zed.

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