How Long Do You Hold A Grudge?

Have you ever held a grudge? If so, how long have you been holding that grudge for?

Wait. Before I go on say the word grudge.

Now say it again. And again.

Sounds so stupid. Almost as stupid as holding a grudge, I guess.

I like to think that I don’t hold grudges.

But, I do hold on to the memory. Which quite possibly might be the exact same thing.

If you hurt me or wrong me, I will not forget. To me, that is a bit different than holding a grudge. I will not wish you harm.  I will not have a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment towards you. I will smile at you in the supermarket and say hello. But, I won’t forget what a psycho you are.

It’s in my nature.

Remembering every single person that every called me fat, will forever be ingrained in me.

I hate that. I don’t want to remember that. I don’t want to run into them when I am visiting my parents and have that as the first thing that pops into my mind when I see them mowing their lawn with their kids playing street hockey in their driveway.

Ugh. I hate that my brain does that.

I hate that I am still a bit mad at Kelly for making out with Dylan while Brenda was in Paris.

Do you think we are hardwired to hold grudges?  That it is just part of being a human?

I mean, who really benefits from this?

Not me.

Somethings are hard to forget.

Somethings are not worth holding on to.

Somethings are not worth your time and energy.

I know a few people that hold grudges waaaaaaaay too long.

I have a friend who was hurt by another friend like a decade ago. She can’t seem to shake the hurt. That seems a bit different than a grudge.

Dear Friend, 

Seriously, girl, you gotta let that shit go.  I get that forgetting is really hard. But, holding on to a grudge is poison. It sucks up your energy.  It’s eating you up. It’s bringing you down. It doesn’t deserve your awesomeness. 

Love Kyla

It’s the holding on that we need to learn to let go.

Or maybe, I’m wrong and its is the remembering that is the key. So we don’t repeat the mistakes over and over and over. Maybe we learn not to open our heart. Maybe we learn not to share our deepest secrets with someone who doesn’t deserve to hear them.

Geez.

I don’t want to live in a world that guarded.

But maybe just maybe remembering is a way of becoming a better person. Maybe those moments will help me parent my children in an enlightened way.

I have another friend who forgives people really easily.  People don’t even apologize to her and she has already forgiven them. Sometimes I wish she wasn’t like that. Sometimes I wish she would post a passive aggressive meme on social media.

I think she is a super human. I think she has evolved passed the rest of us.

I’m not sure I want to live in a world like that either.

You don’t get to hurt me and have me forgive you that easily.

Nah.

I want to live my life like a Brene Brown book with Eminem as the soundtrack.

One half of acceptance and the other half of don’t fuck with me.

So tell me, are you holding a grudge?

 

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “How Long Do You Hold A Grudge?

  1. I give chances after chances then finally put me first and cut them out. I can hold a grudge forever. The only time it bothers me, is when it is family. But then, you can not choose them so they should not get a free pass lol

    1. Yup. I’m a super-human grudge holder. I try not to, but I have a tendency to dwell on things for much longer than is healthy. I also have a very good memory, so these things compliment each other badly.

  2. I’m with you I don’t want to but it’s hard not to …your damned if you…damned if you don’t . When do we let our guards down and when do we protect ourselves as humans . I personally get taken advantage of too much because I am forgiving and an empath. People are NOT nice and take advantage of this and then when I decide to try and be a bitch I am looked at like I have three heads……grrrrrrrrrr

  3. I cannot hold onto a grudge, and I think its a big downfall. I get over things quickly and then am surprised that someone is still upset over it? I think part of being a grown up is realizing people are human and make mistakes, say stupid things not thinking how it may come across. I am tired of people ending friendships over things that didn’t even happen to them.

  4. I was sitting here thinking “I don’t think I do” but then I remembered one that is HUGE that I just can’t get over. Every time I think of this person I seethe. Is it good? No. Is it even really about that person? Probably not. But I just can’t let it go. Everything else? Yep I let it go and move on. Life is too short, yo.

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