If you have a penis, don't run. It's okay. You will be able to handle this.
Let's go back a few months. A Mommy friend had a "meet the baby night." As we were drinking wine and enjoying wonderful food. She stopped what she was doing and said, "Have you seen the new maxi pads?"
Off she went and returned with what she described as the Lu Lu Lemon of Maxi pads. The Always Infinity.
She made us all touch it.
Which was a little bit uncomfortable for me.
I know she wasn't wearing it.
I know it wasn't used.
But, here were a group of grown women groping a maxi pad. It was weird. It was sort of like when I was in grade five and we bought one of those giant ten cent pads from my school bathroom. It just felt wrong.
And then I forgot about it.
Until, I surprisingly got my period and had to run into the drug store. Always Infinity Maxi Pads were on sale and so I bought them. According to my sister, female hygiene products should NEVER be bought at full price.
So, I put one of these suckers on.
No pun intended.
And Sweet Jesus. It was more comfortable then my granny panties. It was so soft and spongey and cushy and there were air pockets. Mother fucking air pockets! It was unbelievable. My friend was right, it truly is the Lu Lu Lemon of Maxi Pads.
So, unbelievable that I had to share the news with someone.
Poor Zed. I showed him what a regular pad looked like and then what an Always Infinity pad looked like. And yes, I made him touch it. He just looked at me amused and walked out of the bathroom. He also suggested that maybe I talk to one of my friends about it and not him.
I get it.
But, I was so super excited. I had to tell someone. And then I thought about my Mom. OH MY GOD. She is going to freak out. I remember when I was a teenager I was complaining about having to have a period and my Mom was pretty much "get over it, I had to wear pads with belts."
I told this story to Mommy #3. And how I couldn't wait to show my Mom because she had to "wear pads with belts".
Mommy #3 had no idea what I was talking about. Honestly, I thought she was faking. And she thought I was faking. She really had no idea what I was talking about. So I made her google it. And this is what came up.
And she almost fucking died.
Fast forward a few weeks to when my Mom was visiting. I took her into my bedroom and told her to "brace herself." I showed her the new Always Infinity Maxi Pad. And she almost fucking died. We sat on my bed like little school girls talking about maxi pads. It was awesome.
Being a Mom is going to keep getting even more and more awesome.
FYI: I was not paid for this post by Always Infinity. But, I should have been. Dear Always, you owe me Five Dollars for each time I said Always Infinity.
Actually, make it an even $50 fucking dollars. Here is another picture to prove I am fucking worth it.
I can't wait for my next period.
Make it $55.